Pruning and New Growth

Pruning:

It has been tough trying to muddle through after the pruning of leaving so much behind and as we work to get back on our feet in many ways. I think often of what I had to leave behind. Our family has grown closer as we’ve pruned out old habits that are now unnecessary with the added effort just to take care of the basics. More and more, home isn’t so dependant on the stuff, even though we’re grateful to be gathering it again. For me home is primarily with Rob, but also with the kids. We’re more confident in who we are and the Goodness we have in our lives, even as we appreciate the Goodness in others and find mercy with the not-so-good in ourselves and others.

Still, I’ve been praying for some time that I could let go of the pain of sometimes leaving things—anything that is left (for a variety of reasons)—behind. Somehow on Sunday we missed our driver, Ralph, that usually takes us to the subway for church. We saw him, but he left without us for some unknown reason. We had to walk out (hoping to see him) to the front gate where we took two taxis. My taxi driver was a jerk. (Let’s just say I didn’t put up with his “听不懂 Tīng bù dǒng”. And yes, he really said that.) We had to take two more taxis to get home later, which more than doubled our taxi fees for the day. All day I just felt incredibly hurt that Ralph would bail on us. Deeply hurt. And just as sad that my beautiful Sunday lacked the time in his taxi with nice music and all of us together. At church I would just sob every time I had any time alone (the bathroom mostly). Prayer and experience helped me pull out of myself until I had the luxury of walking home to the subway alone with my family.

My family mostly gave me space to cry. Nathan asked if he could hold my hand. It was a nice vent, though I was still exhausted and frustrated. The next day, after a decent night’s sleep (decent is relative when sleeping on a Chinese board/bed) I came to realize what the Lord gave me instead of a ride to church with Ralph. The Lord gave me the opportunity to cry, to cry about everything I’ve lost, especially over the last few months.

I’m reminded of this that Trina Johansson posted to Facebook on the 10^thof January, which I repost here with her permission

Missing my sweet baby boy today. It has been 10 years today since we lost him, but I try not to relive that morning. I only relive the beautiful Spirit we felt in our home at that time, and the way my awareness of the debt I owe my Savior grew. I ponder the plan of Salvation and think about how I am a better, stronger person because of that experience. The Lord never takes away from us. In reality He only gives. He gave me strength, love of family and friends, understanding, and best of all, hope. I will have my baby again some day. I have lost nothing, my time with him was only delayed. How grateful I am for this testimony. How grateful I am for those of you who were there for me, and are here for me now. How grateful I am for the love I feel in my life. How grateful I am for that precious baby who is waiting for me on the other side of the veil. I love you Cardon!

Thank you, Trina, for your example. I have lost nothing. And not just in comparison to loosing a child. I’m not comparing pain, only rejoicing that the Savior can lift mine. (The pain is real, and sometimes no one else can lift it.) The Lord doesn’t take away. He just delays some things in exchange for others. For now, my prayer is answered. Now I just need to pray that I can keep this feeling.

New Growth:

After leaving so much behind that was either placed in storage, sold, or given away, the kids and I came here to China with only 14 suitcases. Rob had found and/or outfitted the house with 7 mattresses, 1 bed, 2 armoires (both on the top floor in the master bedroom), a limited amount of sheets, a few throw blankets, 2 small dressers, 2 bigish dressers, one bathroom with cabinets (2 without), one rug, a washing machine, one bookshelf (one!!), 2 couches, one dining table with 6 chairs, a TV that Rob hates, 1 small kitchen table and a smallish kitchen with cabinets, a stove, a few dishes & a fridge (no oven or dishwasher). We also sold our vehicles. Consequently, any time we go anywhere we have to walk, take a taxi, bus or the complex shuttle.

Here’s the list of things to acquire that we made shortly after moving in and priority level:

1. scooter, blankets, beds, paper plates, glasses

3. travel, big plates, master bath shelf, kitchen table, bookshelf, organizing baskets, laundry shelf, Buddy (shipping our dog here), extension cord, rugs, coat rack, DVD player

5. oven, dryer, closets, TV

Here’s a priority list of what we’ve purchased and/or acquired over the last 5-6 months:

Immediate needs: water dispenser (for bottle delivery), laundry racks, dish drainer, clock, spices, more dishes (small plates), trash cans for the bathrooms

Breathing a little: 3 stools, picnic table (in case anyone out there doesn’t know, I hate picnic tables, or rather the bench part), more laundry racks and baskets, blankets, bikes, a new dog

New needs: coats & warm clothes, more clocks, storage shelves & boxes (bath & bedroom), beds, more sheets, more trash cans,

Next: more tables & chairs, scooter for cheap, independent travel, blankets so we can return the borrowed and poorly functioning ones (1 big blanket instead of 5 small ones for a king size bed), book shelves, new clothes to replace those worn out and too small (or too big, in my case ;)

Stay tuned for pictures!

May all of you find peace through the Savior in your Pruning and your New Growth! 
Happy (Chinese) New Year! 新年快乐！Xīnnián kuàilè!